What is Beauty?

Some things that are said about beauty.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Smoke follows beauty.

Beauty is only skin deep.

Beauty makes the world go 'round.
Ok. Maybe that one is money, but the still the same principle.

I am reminded more often than I care to mention that I don't fit the "mold" of what beauty is. I've been told such things as long as I can remember. After so long, you start to believe what is being said to you no matter how hard you fight it. Sometimes it rolls off you. Sometimes you stare at yourself in the mirror and try to find the flaws others are seeing, even making up things as you do, not quite understanding. Other times what they say sticks with you and sinks its hooks in and won't let go.

Tonight is that night.

When this happens, I usually think back to all the memories I have, that any sane person would have repressed by now, and relive them. Why? Oh hell, I don't know. If I was a poet embarked on living those horrible moments for "art" sake, then maybe, I would understand. (Because we all know poets just write about the hard, depressing, "I'm emo and I'm going to cut myself" times.)

When times such as these occur I cry. I get angry. Sometimes I forgive.
I come up with all these wonderful ideas about how I am going to cleanse my soul so I can move on, only to forget them by the morning. Of course, by then, I just chalk it up as another pity party, tell myself I am better than that and get to the pile of laundry I have ignored the past few days. I am a grown woman that shouldn't be relenting to her childhood nightmares.

That usually helps until the next time. There will always be a next time.

Always.